To quote a recent interview with artist Marla Frazee, the most helpful thing I can do every day as a writer is to “Worry that I’m crap.” And there is no easier way to practice this than by reading an un-edited ARC (with a red pen) and going, “Oh god, oh god, oh god–people are going to actually SEE this!”
I intended to look at the ARC over my vacation, as a fun, “I’m so awesome, check out my book!” self-indulgence…however, it turned into an inner monologue of “Cross that out. And get rid of this. And kill that darling that isn’t dear any more. And whoever insisted on that sentence staying? Who talks that way? Wasn’t me. I swear.”
I only got through the first 40 pages before I had to put it down. It stopped feeling like vacation and more like an intervention with my past self.
Not that I think it’s crap. Let me say that again: NOT THAT I THINK IT’S CRAP, DEAR READERS/REVIEWERS/POTENTIAL MOVIE INVESTORS/MOM. No. But there are places where, with all that lovely time passed between pounding it out and now re-reading it, that one does feel that sinking feeling in the pit of one’s stomach that the main character has a sinking feeling (or igloo, or grapefruit-sized knot) in his stomach one too many times.
So now that I’m back from vacation and relaxed and the eye-twiching has settled back into place, I’m going through with my pen..and the best part is seeing what darlings I did create that are worthwhile and actually quite nice. I even put in a smiley face next to a sentence I liked. Made me feel good, anyway.
(As an aside, I’m also finding evidence of the internet wanderings I did while seeking inspiration. At one point, my character mentions he’s on his way to the Geology Fighting Championships–which came from this jewel of randomness–and am glad to see it’s still in the book. I wonder if these people will ever know I stole their YouTube video name? And do people own rights to things like that?)
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