Sooo…The Book Tour.
Okay, so there isn’t really a “tour.” Yet. I mean, there’s a blog tour in October, which is no sweat; I’m great at being humorous and understood via the written word!
(Oh, here’s a bit of free advice from…from a “friend” who also “writes”: don’t go into a book blogger Twitter chat and cleverly/sarcastically tweet, “Hey guys! You wanna review my book? KIDDING! Kidding. Really. Kidding.” Because no matter how funny you think you’re being, everyone else will think you’re an ass. But maybe if you put a winky face after it, it would’ve gone over better….? Hmmm….I’ll have to suggest that to “my friend.”)
But a real life tour? Like, with talking and whatever?
Terr. I. Fy. Ing.
Yes, a small tour is “in the works” (hometown, I’m looking at you), but so far even the one scheduled appearance is enough to wake me up in a cold sweat. Literally. And I know people say literally when they mean figuratively, but I meant literally. Let me explain.
I went to a YA book reading on Tuesday (Gregg Olsen and his Empty Coffin series) and then a poetry reading on Wednesday (Jessica Lamb), to see the “book event spectrum” (in this case, exuberant vs. profound).
I left each feeling nervous and excited–and with a slight facial tic. Yeah, sure. I can do this. Then, last night I dreamt [see, this is where I bring it back to the whole literally thing I started out rambling about; see how great I'll be at a blog tour? AMAZING!!] that I was in the audience at the circus (it had to be a circus, right?), knowing I had to stand up and give a talk in front of everyone. I was whispering to a friend about how nervous I was–and suddenly, the spotlight swings around to me, so everyone can see me. Then the ringmaster is shouting at me to shut up. And then, like I wrote it myself, he gets the entire audience to chant, “Shut up, shut up! Shutupshutup SHUT UP!”
So I’m thrown out of sleep at 2AM, in that literal cold sweat, unable to stop the chanting of shut up in my head.
And that’s with only ONE reading planned.
(I really wish I had some sort of mascot uniform to put on so I could just come and nod and wave instead of having to answer, “Where did the idea come from?”)
With that vision still fresh in my fearful mind, I’m working on my author routine. A “schtick”. Channeling fun and adventurous Teacher Miss Molly! Brave and fearless Camp Counselor Cricket! Molly E. Johnson who got up the guts to jump off of this last weekend. (No, that’s not me; I’m not a twenty year old man. Also, I swear the lake must be lower because the swing is really much higher than this video shows.) I think the “schtick” might involve some stuff I learned from Houdini. That way, I’ll at the very least get to hide in a box for a few minutes of the talk.
All that being said, clear your calendars for Monday, November 7, 2011! It’ll be entertaining, no matter whether I implode, get stuck in a box…or pull through.
P.S. If anyone shouts “shut up” at my book reading, just to give a nod to my blog (which would be, in a way, also a nod to IHateBartholomewsCircus.com…) I will throw my shoe at you. If I do so, it’s with utter respect that you read my blog…and with faked anger so I can save face. Thank you.
P.P.S. Bought a copy of Envy at the Powell’s reading; book review coming in a few weeks!
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