molly e. johnson

At Wordstock, I went to a panel called, “When was you first time?” and the first-time authors all got choked up a bit, relating that moment their first box of books arrived. I bring this up because 1) it was touching, and 2) because the hardcover edition of Spartacus and the Circus of Shadows is due in my hands any moment now. And, in one week from now, the book will be in an actual bookstore. Seven little days.

I don’t know how I’ll be able to sleep until then.

I can’t tell you how long and crazy these last two years have been. Back in August, 2009,  it was entitled Spartacus and the World-Renowned Circus of Complete Surprise and it lived on an external hard drive on a shelf in my closet. It had made a few rounds to a few publishers and I’d retired it as a throw-away novel, a lesson learned. In September 2009, a PSU proff who chaired my 2006 MA thesis (which was Spartacus) asked to use it in her YA editing class. And, randomly, in May 2010, I got an email that I first thought was a joke. The subject line: “Let’s publish Spartacus.” (Yes, I still re-read that email.)

After finding out it wasn’t a joke, but instead the best luck EVER–I suddenly had to face all my doubts in the plot. I’d basically picked the book completely apart in my mind in order to be able to give up on it and put it on that closet shelf to begin with. The doubt worked into hundreds of hours of re-writing and editing (and, admittedly, DAYS spent brainstorming in bars)…to even think about all that is like having to recall details of a car accident. It makes my heart pound.

But now…now there’s this perfect little being that we created—

—Sorry! Sorry. It’s always talked about like a birthing process. Each book is a tiny miracle! It may not be exactly the same, but a lot of it really is…much like the birthing process, many books are conceived with the aid of alcohol (however, I think there are quite a few more index cards involved in book plotting than baby-making). But there’s the fear about if it’s going to be okay, the pain of delivering it, then letting others see it. And then letting it go off into the world without you. Oh, the anxiety of it all…! And the sheer pride of the thing you made, despite the fact that so many people have done the same thing and had their books grow up to hate them…

Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes. The story’s back story aside…well. Now that the count down can be expressed in days and not weeks or months, I’m a complete, happy, grateful mess. Like a sloppy drunk. I’m grateful to RainTown, to Z, to my parents, to the rat I saw stuck in the sidewalk near my house that one time, to my cat and my houseplants, to the universe.

And really, beyond that, there is nothing I can say at this point that can be construed as humble, so I’ll just say this: Hell, yeah.

Countdown to book launch: 7 days

Tags: book launch, getting published, labor pains, Spartacus and the Circus of Shadows